Lullaby
by Meagra Solace
Summary: After the disaster of the Aructus Project, Rodney is fired. Upon his return to Earth he learns something that will change the course of his live. But will the people of Atlantis be able to cope without the aid of their friend.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Stargate.

I would like to thank the rest of Infinity-R-us for encouraging (nagging) me through this story. Also a special thanks to my sister: Diabolical Pink Bunny and her Hubby who not only beta'd this for me but also took my phone calls up truly weird times to help me when my plot bunnies lost the trail. Thanks sis ;)

Chapter 1

**Baby mine**

Baby mine, don't you cry  
Baby mine, dry your eyes  
Rest your head close to my heart  
Never to part, baby of mine.

Little one when you play  
Don't you mind what you say  
Let those eyes sparkle and shine  
Never a tear, baby of mine.

If they knew sweet little you  
They'd end up loving you too  
All those same people who scold you  
What they'd give just for  
The chance to hold you.

From your head to your toes  
You're not much, goodness knows  
But you're so precious to me  
Cute as can be, baby of mine.

_June 1986_

_A very blue Professor Lefevre stalked through the halls of the university; a crumbled note clutched in one hand and a cobalt blue stained handkerchief in the other. Trailing behind him was a long trail of blue footsteps leading all the way back to his office and the innocently looking lunch box that had 'whooshed' out a cloud of cobalt blue powder dye as he had opened it. _

_The warm summer breeze danced through the halls, teasing his hair and stirring up new puffs of blue dye. He stopped in front the large double doors leading to the only lecture hall that was currently in use. Taking a deep breath, which immediately set him to coughing as he breathed in some of the dye, he opened the doors; trying to suppress the wheezing._

"_Meredith!" Lefevre shrieked as he stumbled into the room; surrounded by a cloud of cobalt blue dust. _

_Meredith Rodney Duncan-McKay was blissfully unaware of his surroundings. He was busy writing down his latest math proof that would prove that he was right and that Miles was wrong, wrong, wrong. So engrossed was he in the perfect symmetry of the equations, that he failed to notice the very blue and extremely irate professor standing in the door. _

_Hearing his name being yelled out, he stood up, still not paying any attention to what was happening in the front of the room; trying to scribble the last equations down before they escaped from his mind. _

"_Yes sir. Is there a problem?" a soft voice enquired from about three rows in front of him; prompting him to finally look up. _

"_A problem Miss Meredith?" Lefevre hissed, unfolding the crumpled note. "'Roses are red. Violets are blue, and now so are you'. Signed 'Meredith.'" Looking up, the dyed professor noticed Rodney was also standing. "Yes Mr McKay. Do you have something to add?"_

_Rodney slowly slumped back into his chair. He carefully avoided making eye contact with the young lady, staring back at him from three rows down; or Lefevre, standing in the doorway. "No sir, nothing to add." He mumbled._

_Lefevre transferred his glare back to the black haired young woman. "Well, come along then, miss. If you have the time on your hands to pull pranks like this, then you most definitely have the time to clean up after them."_

"_But... but... I didn't..." Meredith stuttered as she stared in shock at the professor._

_Clapping his hands, he turned around and headed back out the lecture hall. "Chop-chop miss."_

_Meredith snatched her books and stuffed them into her bag. She slung her bag onto her shoulder and stormed out of the room after the professor. _

##########

Rodney groggily came awake at the persistent ringing of the doorbell which was steadily accompanied by very loud pounding on his front door. Rolling over, he picked up his watch from the small table next to his bed to look at the time. He groaned and pulled his pillow over his head; hoping that whoever was at his front door would take a hint and leave.

"Open up McKay! I know that you are in there!" the person at the door shouted, all the while still banging away.

He lay on his back with the pillow over his head and sighed. He knew who was at the front door and he was not looking forward to this confrontation: especially not at 3:00 in the morning. Kicking off the light blanket he was sleeping under, he sat up and ran his hands through his short hair. With a grunt he pushed himself up, stumbled out of his room and down the corridor to the front door of his apartment.

He yawned and absently wondered why all the life altering conversations in his life always seemed to take place at the most unholy hours of the night.

"Damn it McKay if you don't open this door right now I will break it down!" The person on the other side yelled again, all the time still hammering away.

##########

_The hammering and the yelling yanked him abruptly from his sleep. He blearily sat up and looked around, trying to figure out what was going on._

"_Open up, you no good bastard. I know that you are in there!" The thumping on the door had taken up a sort of rhythmic quality that was echoing in his brain._

_He shook his head as he tumbled off the couch where he had fallen asleep, spilling the half a dozen physic books that he had open to the ground._

"_When I get my hands on you, you pain in the ass asshole, I am going to kill you!" The voice on the other side of the door screeched. _

_Not very imaginative, Rodney thought as he lurched to the front door of his dingy student apartment. His sleep addled fingers fumbled for a moment with the lock of his door before he finally managed to unlock it. He had barely gotten it open when he was rudely pushed out of the way. A small black haired whirlwind stormed into the cramped living room of his apartment._

"_You fucking bastard! Do you have any idea what I have been through this afternoon because of you?" _

_Rodney didn't get the chance to answer before the whirlwind continued._

"_I had to clean Leferve's entire office, all by myself. And what the fuck did you use as dye? Because let me tell you: it was bloody murder to get it off. And look what it did to my hands! I've tried bleach, ammonia, soap. I even tried frigging battery acid and it still won't come off!" The whirlwind held up two very dainty hands, stained a deep cobalt blue, for Rodney to inspect._

_The sleep-fuddled young man shook his head and slouched to his kitchen to get some coffee. He was going to need a serious amount of caffeine in his system if he was going to make sense of this._

"_Don't you turn your back on me! __**Meredith**__!" _

_He grabbed a cup that looked more or less clean and poured him a cup of coffee from the pot he had made earlier in the evening. He grimaced at the taste of the cold burnt coffee, but he drained the whole cup. Feeling the liquid reach his stomach, he sighed and turned around to look at the small whirlwind that had blown into his apartment at... Hey, what was the time anyway?_

"_Are you listening to me? Hi, I am talking here!" The whirlwind breezed into his personal space and snapped her fingers at him._

_She was small, about 1.6 meters, with a bone structure so fine that it could only be described as delicate. Her skin was flawless and almost porcelain white. Her waist length hair was a black so deep that it appeared to have blue under tones. Her large dark brown eyes sparkled with barely contained anger. She reminded him of a Victorian fairy: small, fragile and utterly beguiling. There was a smudge of blue dye on her left cheek, highlighting the elegant sweep of her cheek bones._

_Rodney could feel a smirk tug at his mouth as he looked the young woman standing in front of him over. "So what makes you think I have had anything to do with Lefevre's accident?" He asked as he turned to pour himself another cup of coffee. The word 'accident' was laced with sarcasm and a heavy dose of disdain. He held up the pot questioningly and gently waved it in her direction. _

"_Oh please, for a certified genius you are such an idiot." The scornful reply came. She eyed the pot suspiciously and then nodded. "I mean: what the hell? You signed the note with your name."_

_Reaching over her head, he pulled a clean cup from the cupboard behind her and poured another cup of coffee. He handed it to her and leaned against the counter to watch her._

_She pulled a face at the taste of the drink. "God, this is horrible, do you have any sugar?"_

"_Nope." Rodney replied as he took another drink. He was studying her, cataloguing her movements, her mannerisms, her._

_She glared at him; her eyes dark with fury, but at the same time glowing with an intelligence that fascinated him. "Meredith Conroy." She suddenly stated and held out her hand to him._

_A smug grin spread itself out over Rodney's face. "I know." He took her hand and unexpectedly pulled her to him, turning around at the same time so that she was trapped between him and the counter._

"_What the..." Meredith exclaimed as she started to struggle. "I have a black belt in karate." _

_Rodney only huffed and with his free hand he reached behind her to pick up a small unlabeled dark blue glass bottle. Pulling out the stopper with his teeth he turned the hand he was still holding so that he could pour some of the viscous liquid onto her palm. The moment the cold thick fluid touched the skin it started to dissolve the blue dye staining her hands._

"_Oh." Was Meredith's only response, as she watched him work the cleaner into her skin. She looked up to see an arrogant and extremely superior smirk firmly in place on his face. "You really are as big an asshole as they say, aren't you?" _

_He let go of her hand and took a step back. Putting down the bottle on the counter next to her, he picked up his cup again. "Maybe." _

_Meredith watched him for a long moment before she finally smiled and said. "So who is your next target and what do you have planned?"_

_Choking on his cold coffee, Rodney glared at her. "Excuse me? Even if I have something planned – and I am not saying that I have – mind you. But even if I had something planned; what makes you think that I will tell you?"_

_Leaning back against the counter, Meredith's smile took on a faint trace of evil. "Because, my dear Meredith Rodney Duncan-McKay, you so totally owe me."_

"_I owe you?" Rodney asked._

_Holding up the one hand that was still stained blue, Meredith nodded. "So totally owe me."_

_They stared at each other for a long silent moment before Rodney burst out laughing. "You know, this could be the beginning of a beautiful and totally evil friendship."_

"_Well, in that case, you can call me Merri." She said with a bright twinkle in her eye._

"_Rodney, for pity's sake. Please, call me Rodney." He turned and headed back to the living room. "Well, come on, you've got see what I've got planned for Lefevre next."_

##########

Rodney braced himself before he opened the door. It didn't do him any good. He was pushed out of the way as the blond haired woman, that had been knocking on his door, pushed past him into the room. Looking out into the hallway outside his apartment, he noticed SG3. Opening the door wider, he waved for them to enter. Walking to the kitchen, he sighed. So it has finally come to this. He wasn't really surprised. He knew that the SGC had been looking for a way to get rid of him, ever since he had shown up their precious golden girl.

"Couldn't this have waited until morning, Sam?" He asked wearily as he poured himself a cup of coffee. He grimaced at the taste; cold and burned. Perfect, disgusting coffee to go with the wretched conversation about to happen.

Colonel Samantha Carter sighed and shook her head. "I sorry Rodney, but the..." She didn't get a chance to go further before she was interrupted by a rude noise coming from McKay.

"Oh please, spare me Sam. We both know that you are not sorry about this." He waved a hand at the four men standing behind her. "Do you really need back-up to tell me that I have been fired?" He demanded in an angry voice.

Cater shook her head and pulled a large envelope from her bag. Handing it over to McKay, she waved her hand at the men behind her. "They are here to search your apartment to make sure that you are not in possession of any technology or information or papers pertaining to the SGC, Atlantis or any of our Alien allies."

Rodney turned and placed his cup on the kitchen counter. Opening the envelope, he pulled out the papers inside. Waving one hand distractedly at the room at large while he read, he absently replied. "Knock yourselves out. Just don't break anything and don't make a mess."

He casually wandered over to the couch in the area that served as a sitting room, still reading the legal documents stating his release from his contract and that he was still bound by confidentially clauses. He wasn't worried that they would find anything. Celeste would have taken care of it the moment he was recalled to earth. He smiled ruefully to himself: what was it with him and scarily competent women?

Having read through all the letters and notices and thinly veiled threats, he folded the papers and placed them back into the envelope. Looking up, he noticed that SG3 had returned and was standing next to his front door; obviously waiting to leave.

"Rodney," Samantha tried again, but McKay just shook his head.

"Don't, Sam, just don't." He ran a hand through his hair, got up and walked to the door. Opening it, he stood to the side to let them leave.

As she left, Carter turned and looked back at the man standing in the door. "For what it is worth Rodney, I really am sorry." She said softly before turning to leave.

Locking the door, Rodney stood a long time just staring at the closed door before turning to find his phone. Dialling a number from memory, he patiently waited for someone to pick up. "This is Dr. Rodney McKay. I would like to book a first class ticket to Ottawa Ontario Canada on the first available flight." He listened for a moment before he nodded and hummed; pleased. "Yes that will do nicely."

Putting down the phone, he turned to look at the apartment. One mistake. One mistake: trying to find something, _anything_ that could protect the people he had come to care about. He would admit it was a dozy of a one. 5/6 of a solar system gone, but still, it was just one mistake. He sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. One mistake and seven years of hard work down the drain.

Seven years; he had been doing this for seven years now. Seven years of leading a double live, of pretending to be someone else. Maybe it was time to get out. He would kind of like to be himself again. Besides, he was pretty sure Merri would be glad if he got out of the game. Celeste would bitch at him, but in the end she would agree with his decision. Anyway, he really was getting to old to play this game anymore. With that thought he headed towards his room to pack.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Another universe

By: Arno Carstens

Let's take the final bow  
let's make the silent sign  
nobody needs to know where we're off to  
we're invisible alive  
we're the whispers in the scream  
we're not living in the west  
and we're not coming from the east  
sharp is the knife  
alive is the night  
i'm gonna slit the throat of the holy goat  
ceremony to the ufo  
sms them where we wanna go

from the galaxy of blues to a universe we choose  
no more crying and just maybe somebody to hold...

from the galaxy of blues to a universe we choose  
no more crying and just maybe somebody to hold...

let's play the metal music slow  
leave the car on the highway and go  
nobody needs to know another universe  
make a distance between us and them  
lonely, lonely never us again  
a galaxy to explore  
don't wanna return to a world at war  
from the galaxy of blues to a universe we choose  
no more crying and just maybe somebody to hold...

from the galaxy of blues to a universe we choose  
no more crying and just maybe somebody to hold...

Rodney leaned back against the seat of the taxi. He looked out of the window as the street lights flashed by. The city was quiet, not unsurprising considering the late hour. He briefly glanced down at his watch. It was just after 2am. Looking back up over the sleeping city, his thoughts drifted back to a very similar night six months ago.

He had also been tired then, but at the same time he had been overwhelmed with exhilaration at still being alive. They had just returned to earth after first fighting off the Wraith and then fooling them into believing that they had destroyed the city. He and the rest of the Atlantis command staff had spent a gruelling week being debriefed and he had finally come down from all the uppers and stimulants he and Radek had been taking. He had been given a week of leave and the first thing he had done was get on a plane to see the one person that had acted as his touchstone for almost two decades. He had known that he had to contact Celeste; to inform her of all that had happened and everything that he had discovered, but his need to see Merri had overwhelmed everything else.

The change of sound as the vehicle turned off from the blacktop onto a cobbled street briefly roused him from his half-asleep meanderings. He looked up noticing the change in style of the houses. He relaxed a bit as he took in the familiar surroundings. Closing his eyes, he leaned back against the seat again, his thoughts once more turning back to that week six months ago.

He and Merri had spent the week holed up in her house. They had talked, argued, laughed and eaten an indecent amount of junk food; among other things. He had given her the papers he had written in his off-time, so that she could have them published under his full name after he had left for Atlantis again.

He smiled tenderly. One of the things he loved most of the small woman was the way fire light would play across her naked skin. That and the fact she was one of the few people he knew that could reduce full grown men with multiple PHD's to tears in a matter of minutes. A talent he shared with her. In fact, in the past it had almost been a sort of competition to see who could break a person down to tears the fastest.

The taxi stopping in front of small Dutch style house in one of the upper-class neighbourhoods woke him from his musings. He got out of the taxi and waited on the curb while the driver got out his two bags. The rest of his stuff he had arranged to be packed and shipped to his apartment in Vancouver.

Paying the driver, he took a deep breath. Rubbing the back of his neck just under the hairline, he winched as he brushed against the small bandage covering the cut where he had the subdural implant removed. The pain momentarily focusing his thoughts: the removal of the device was another step closer to returning to his real live. Another step closer to becoming Dr. Meredith Rodney Duncan-McKay again.

Shouldering the one bag and grabbing the other, he started up the stairs to the front door. It was time to get on with his life.

##########

Radek Zelenka walked into Dr. Weir's office; his feet dragging slightly with fatigue, but with a small hopeful bounce just barely visible. They had received a communiqué from SGC only an hour ago. He was praying that it contained news about when Rodney would return to Atlantis.

The past week had been a nightmare. With Rodney away, it had fallen to Radek to oversee the science department. This was not new to him, as he done it in the past, but with the exception of the six weeks that Rodney and the rest of the command staff had spent on earth right after the siege, McKay was usually in asking distance. He would never admit this to McKay, but the man did know more about the city of Atlantis than probably any other living human.

Taking of his glasses, he pulled out a handkerchief and slowly wiped off the imaginary dust covering them. He also understood Rodney's temper better. For supposable intelligent people, the rest of the science staff could be complete morons sometimes. Just today alone he had to solve two crisis caused by fumbled fingered idiots that could not follow simple directions.

Looking up as Zelenka entered her office, Dr. Elizabeth Weir, leader of the Atlantis expedition, smiled thinly and indicated to him to take a seat. Closing her laptop, she waited for him to be seated. "Radek, thank you for coming." She said in greeting.

"Dr. Weir." Radek nodded back and shifted uncomfortably in his seat. A cold feeling of dread starting to work its way up his spine. "You have received word from the SGC, yes? Did they say when Rodney would be returning home?"

Elizabeth sighed softly and tried to keep her expression neutral. She was feeling very divided about the news she had received from Earth concerning her chief science officer. On one hand she thought it was reckless to simply fire the one person that knew more than anyone else about not only Ancient technology, but also Wraith technology; on the other hand his failure with the Aructus project had severely shaken her belief in the man.

"Yes, I have received word." Schooling her expression carefully, she kept her voice soft and calm. "The IOA have decided that it would be better if Dr. McKay did not return to Atlantis. They have, in fact, terminated his contract with them."

The blond haired scientist stared at her like she was speaking some kind of alien langue. Slowly he got up; only to sit back down again. He took of his glasses and rubbed his eyes before putting them back on again. "This is joke, no?" he asked in a harsh whisper. "This is bad joke made to make me laugh, yes?" The desperation in his voice surprised Weir.

Shaking her head, she answered, "No I am sorry Radek, but Rodney is no longer part of the SGC and he will not be coming back."

Zelenka stumbled out off the chair he had been sitting in. Pacing around the office he spun and faced Elizabeth. "Who," he choked out, "who will lead science team now?"

Smiling softly at the distraught man, Elizabeth answered, hoping to calm him down some. "It has been decided that for the time being you will lead the department."

The colour drained out of Radek's face as he stumbled backward, away from her and towards the door. "No," he whispered. "No, no this is mistake. I can't... You can't... this is..." he stuttered mumbling something in Czech before turning and running out of her office, nearly knocking Sheppard off his feat.

Looking over his shoulder at the retreating scientist John frowned. "What's up with him?" He asked turning to face Elizabeth.

Elizabeth rested her head in her hands for a moment before waving a hand at the chair that Radek had emptied only moments before, indicating that John should sit.

John sprawled in the chair. "Tough day?" he asked with a sympathetic grin.

"Yes, and it is about to get even harder." She said with a sigh. "John, I hate to tell you this, but I have received word from the IOA. They have decided to remove Rodney from the Stargate project."

"What!" the soldier shouted, surging to his feet. "Are they insane?" he demanded as he placed his hands on her desk and leaned forward.

"John, I'm sorry, but they felt it would be for the best."

The man scowled at her. "And you just accepted it?" he asked in a low growl. "Tell me that you are not just going to accept it. That you will fight to get McKay back."

Pushing to her feet, Elizabeth shook her head. "This is one fight that I can't win."

Stepping away from the desk, Sheppard turned to leave. "This is a mistake, Dr. Weir." He told her, his voice cold.

Sinking back into her chair, Elizabeth dropped her head back to her hands, praying that she was not making a huge mistake.

##########

Knocking on the door, Rodney put his bag down and waited. He had not seen or talked to Merri since that week six months ago. He tilted his head as he listened to the noise that sounded through the door. Taking a step back when he noticed the door opening, he bent to pick up his bag again.

"Hi sorry, I forgo..." He trailed off as he looked up and noticed the person standing in the door. It was Merri, but she most certainly did not look like he remembered her. Taking in the distended waistline he blurted out the first words that came to mind. "You're pregnant!" He exclaimed slightly horrified.

"Hello, Meredith, good to see you too." Merri replied sarcastically. She was leaning on the door, looking tired.

Rodney opened his mouth only to close it again.

Shaking her head, the woman stepped away from the door. "Well come on in." She said as she disappeared into the house. McKay stood for a moment in the door trying to process what he had just seen. "Are you coming or not?" Merri called from somewhere inside.

He took a deep breath and entered the house, turning to lock the door behind him. When he turned back around, he noticed her leaning in the doorway of the kitchen. Putting his bags down next to the stairs leading upwards, he slowly walked towards her, the question that he was too scared to ask clear in his eyes.

With a sigh the tired woman ran a hand through her hair before she answered. "Yes it is yours."

"Why..." he began, only to stop. He was not sure what he wanted to ask.

Heading into the kitchen, Merri sat down on one of the bar chairs standing next to the counter. "Why am I pregnant? Why did I decide to keep the baby, or why didn't I inform you that I was pregnant?"

"Umm..." Rodney got out before he grabbed the doorframe, suddenly dizzy.

"When was the last time you ate?" Merri asked as she got up, exasperated.

"No, it's fine." Rodney said as he pressed away from the door and headed to the fridge. "You should sit." Pulling open the door, he peered at its offerings, before pulling out a slice of cake. "As for your question, why didn't you tell me that you are pregnant?"

Merri frowned at the cake in Rodney's hand before getting up and taking it away from him. Opening the fridge she put the cake away, before pulling out a bowl containing a fruit salad and yogurt. Handing it to Rodney, she returned to her seat.

Taking the fruit salad with a sigh, he walked to the counter. He leaned over it across from the chair she was sitting on. Opening a drawer, he pulled out a spoon and started eating. Silence filled the space between them for a while, both of them content just to be in each other's presence for the moment.

"I didn't tell you because I knew how you would react." Merri finally said softly.

He put down the spoon and frowned at the woman sitting across from him. "How I would react?" he asked softly.

Merri sighed, "Rodney if you knew that I was pregnant, what would you have done?"

"How can you ask me what I would have done?" He demanded harshly, "I would have come home to you."

"Precisely. You would have quit a job you love; leaving people who depend on you to come back to earth. And face it, you would be miserable here." She ran a hand through her hair again. "I know you Rodney. You need the thrill of trying to outwit your opponent; finding the answer and coming up with brilliant and totally insane plans at the last minute. That is why you have worked so long for CSIS and why you and Celeste make such a great team."

Resting his arms on the counter, he stared at her. "Do you think so little of me? Do you really think that I would place my work before you? Before our child?" He was shocked and more than just a little hurt.

Reaching over the counter, she placed a hand against his cheek. "No. No, I know that our child and I would always come first. I know that you will always place us above everything else, including your own happiness. That is why I told Celeste not to tell you."

He leaned into her touch and closed his eyes. "Well, all of that has become rather academic, since I got fired." He said with a sigh.

Standing up, she leaned over the counter to kiss him. "Come on, I need to get back to bed and I am pretty sure you need sleep as well." Pulling away, she headed out of the room towards the stairs. Turning to look at him when she reached the door, she smiled. "We will face tomorrow like we always have; together."

"Together." Rodney murmured. He followed the small black-haired woman, feeling more optimistic about the future than he had in days.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Beautiful Dreamer

Words and Music By: Stephen C. Foster

Beautiful dreamer,  
Wake unto me  
Starlight and dewdrops  
Are awaiting thee

Sounds of the rude world  
Heard in the day  
Led by the moonlight  
Have all passed away

Beautiful dreamer,  
Queen of my song  
List' while I woo thee  
With soft melody

Gone are the cares of  
Life's busy throng  
Beautiful dreamer  
Awake unto me  
Beautiful dreamer,  
Awake unto me

Rodney came awake slowly; missing the warm body that had been pressed against him while he had slept. He opened his eyes and glanced around the elegantly decorated bedroom. Turning his head, he noticed the time on the alarm clock: 7:00 am. Sitting up in bed, he saw Merri seated in front of her vanity doing her make-up. She was already dressed for the day.

He groggily rubbed the sleep from his eyes. "Hi, what are you doing up?"

Looking at him in her mirror, the woman smiled. "Awake are you?"

"No, I need at least two cups of coffee to be awake." He responded as he yawned. "You didn't answer my question."

"You need to cut back on your caffeine intake, Mer. Drinking the amount of coffee that you do is not good for your heart."

Stretching his arms above his head, Rodney pulled a face. "Please don't call me that. And stop evading the question."

Merri put down the brush she was holding and turned to face her lover who was still reclining in bed. "I like calling you Mer, and as for why I am up and dressed, I have to go to work."

"Work!" McKay exclaimed while trying to get out of bed. Tugging at the blankets over his legs, he only succeeded in tangling himself up further.

"Yes, work." Merri huffed before turning back to the mirror to finish her make-up.

Finally managing to free himself from the blankets that had him entangled, Rodney stumbled from the bed. "But... But you are pregnant."

Closing her eyes, Merri slowly counted to ten. Taking a deep breath, she slowly turned to look at her lover again. "I am going to pretend that you did not just say that." She said softly; a quiet anger filling her voice.

Staring at the woman sitting in front of him in confusion, Rodney tried to figure out what he had said that had angered her.

Merri could read the confusion in her partner's eyes and ruefully shook her head. McKay was brilliant, a true genius and a great agent, but sometimes he could be so oblivious to simple human reactions. "Rodney, honey, yes, I'm pregnant. But that does not mean that I can't work."

"But you're pregnant." Rodney said again, as if those three words explained everything.

"Rodney..." she tried again only to be interrupted.

"No, no, no, no. Working can't be good for you, or for the baby. I mean all that stress and people and driving and..."

"MERIDITH RODNEY DUNCAN-MCKAY!" She exclaimed as she got up; pointing a finger at the bed. "Sit and be quiet." She commanded. Holding up a finger as he opened his mouth. Before he could say anything, she interrupted him before he could get a sound out. "Ah-ah did I not say be still?"

Glaring at her, he crossed his arms and sat down on the bed. He lifted his chin and raised an eyebrow as he silently waited.

Running her hands through her hair, Merri shook her head and glared at him. "I am six months pregnant, and both our daughter and I are in perfect health. I still have seven weeks left before I need to go on maternity leave. I had an appointment with my OBGYN two days ago and everything checked out fine. I am not about to do anything to endanger either of us."

"What does he know? Have you checked his qualifications, because let me tell you I..." he suddenly stopped feeling slightly dazed, Merri's comment finally registering. After the conversation last night he knew that he was going to be a father. Curled around Merri last night, the physical evidence that she was pregnant was hard to ignore. Even starting the fight about her working had all been with the intellectual knowledge that they were expecting. "A daughter? I... We..." It finally hit home, like a punch to the gut. Looking up at the tiny woman standing right in front of him, he tried to ask again, his voice slightly hoarse with shock. "A girl?"

Straddling his lap, Merri wrapped her arms around his shoulders and rested her face in the crook of his neck. "Yeah a girl." She replied her voice muffled.

He slowly folded his arms around her delicate body, drawing her closer to him. "Are you sure working is okay?" he asked in a plaintive tone.

"Working is okay." The barely audible response came. Pulling back slightly, she tilted her head up and looked at the man holding her. "I'm not doing any surgery, or seeing any patients. I am doing research in a clean safe lab and have four assistant all hovering over me the entire day, so working is okay."

McKay slowly nodded before pulling her back to him. "Okay, so working is okay." He said softly – still decidedly dazed. They sat together like that for a handful of minutes, taking comfort in each other's presence.

"I'm going to be a dad." Rodney said finally, looking down into the brown eyes of the woman sitting on his lap.

"Yes you are." Merri answered, laughing, the tension between them broken.

Carefully lifting the black-haired woman from his lap, Rodney stood up and looked down at her before looking down at himself. "Umm, maybe I should put on some clothes."

Merri took a few steps back and leered at the scientist standing in front of her. "Oh I don't know: the naked look works for me."

Rodney blushed and turned away to start looking for his clothes. Finding his suitcases, he opened up the one and pulled out a pair of boxers and a t-shirt. Getting dressed, he turned back to Merri to find that she had finished her make-up and was watching him with a gleam in her eyes.

He cocked his head to the side and watched as she stalked across the room to him. He was just as captivated by her now as he was nineteen years ago; when she had first stormed into his life.

Reaching him, she stood on her toes and grabbed his head. She pulled him down to kiss him deeply. "I really do love you, you arrogant asshole." She said as she released him. Stepping away, she headed for the door. "Come on, the coffee should be ready and we both need to eat."

##########

Rodney looked up from the bowl that Merri had put down in front of him with horror. "You can't expect me to eat this?" he demanded.

"Of course I can." Merri replied looking at the man across the counter from her. "It's healthy and low in cholesterol and has a low GI value so it is also good for your blood sugar."

Looking down at the glob in the bowl standing in front of him, Rodney decided to make a proper breakfast as soon as Merri left.

Sitting down and starting to eat her own bowl of cereal, Merri was quiet for awhile.

He had gotten halfway through his own bowl when he was interrupted by Merri clearing her throat in an obvious attempt to obtain his attention. Lifting an eyebrow, he looked at her. He waited for her to ask whatever it was that she wanted to know.

"How did you get fired?" She asked after a few seconds.

Sighing he put down his spoon and leaned back in his chair. "Celeste didn't tell you?"

Merri shook her head. "No, she just phoned and told me that you had gotten fired and that I should be expecting you at any time."

Closing his eyes, he tried to order his thoughts. "How up to date are you with the reports coming from Atlantis?" he asked.

"Not up to date at all, really. I mean; when I realised that I was pregnant I asked to be pulled from all of the heavy research being done. I wasn't comfortable working with either the Hoffan's drug or the Wraith retro-virus in my current condition. So I took over the ATA-gene therapy, trying to see if I can refine it so that it is more successful."

Rodney nodded. It made sense and he was glad that Merri was not working with the more dangerous medical research to come out of Atlantis. "Right, well, we found this weapon that the Ancients where busy developing." He stopped for a moment, thinking before he continued. "It was a super weapon. The answer to all of our prayers: with it we would have been able to defeat the Wraith and even the Ori. The only problem was that the Ancients never got it to work."

He got up and walked over to the coffee machine. Pouring a cup, he turned back to look at the lovely woman sitting across the room. "I did the math five times. Five times! Math doesn't lie." He stopped. Shaking slightly, he walked back to his chair. "I thought that I could fix it. The math proved that it should work; only it didn't. I ended up destroying 5/6 of a solar system and nearly killed John and me." He closed his eyes, his hands trembling slightly.

"Was the solar system populated?" Merri's voice was soft; almost hushed.

Rodney shook his head and opened his eyes to look at her. "No, the Ancients killed everyone in the system – millennia ago."

"So you destroyed an empty solar system in a desperate attempt to fix a weapon that one of the most advanced races could not get to work and you got fired for it?"

He nodded, "Yes, that's basically what happened."

"Oh, Mer." Merri sighed. Reaching over the counter that separated them, she clasped his trembling hands. "They are fools for letting you go. After all the times that you have saved their lives." She paused for a moment before she continued. "You made a mistake, yes, but you didn't do it on purpose. Don't let this get you under." Noticing the time on the wall she cursed softly before letting go of his hands. "Oh fuck, I'm late." Grabbing her handbag and her keys, she dashed around the counter and kissed him before running to the door. "We can finish this conversation tonight." And with that she was out the door, leaving Rodney alone in the house.

##########

Rodney glanced at the clock against the wall that was slowly ticking away at a steady monotonous pace. There was still several hours left before Merri would be back from work. Glancing at the clock again just to make sure that one or two hours hadn't magically disappeared, he sighed and pushed out of the chair that he was sitting in to walk over to the window. Staring out at the blustery sky through the second floor window, his thoughts tumbled over each other as half-ideas chased each other around in his head.

He was going to be a father. He, Meredith Rodney Duncan-McKay, was going to be a dad. It was probably the scariest thing he had ever thought of and he had lived on Atlantis in the Pegasus Galaxy where they had real life-sucking alien space vampires. He had no idea how to be a dad. He didn't exactly have the best of role models; he completely blamed his parents for most of his neuroses. He didn't know anything about parenting.

What he did know was that he would try his hardest to be the kind of parent he never had. That he would be there to protect, not only his daughter, but also the love of his live. That he would provide for them in every way possible. With that the half-formed ideas suddenly came together in a plan. Turning away from the window, he picked up the cell phone that was lying on the table next to the chair he had been sitting in. Dialling a number, he waited for it to be picked up.

"Celeste, hi, I need your help."


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Rock-A-Bye, Baby

Traditional  
Written By: Unknown  
Copyright Unknown

Rock-a-bye, baby,  
In the treetop,  
When the wind blows  
The cradle will rock;  
When the bough breaks  
The cradle will fall,  
And down will come baby,  
Cradle and all.

Rock-a-bye baby,  
Way up on high,  
Never mind baby,  
Mother is 'nigh  
Up to the ceiling,  
Down to the ground,  
Rock-a-bye baby,  
Up hill and down.

John Sheppard was not angry. He wanted everyone to clearly understand that. He wasn't angry, he wasn't pissed even. No, he was fucking furious.

Storming down the ramp leading from the Earth gate, he was ready to kill somebody with his bare hands: preferably Dr. Roderick Miles, the current CSO of Atlantis. Trailing behind him was an equally angry Ronon Dex. He had a death grip on said Doctor's collar; dragging the struggling scientist un-ceremoniously down the ramp. Following at a far more sedate pace was Dr. Elisabeth Weir, leader of the Atlantis expedition, and Dr. Radek Zelenka.

"Dr. Weir, Colonel Sheppard, what is the meaning of this?" General Landry demanded, speaking over the intercom from the control room overlooking the gate-room.

John opened his mouth to respond but Elisabeth was slightly faster in answering; realising that anything her military commander would say would only get him into trouble with the superior officer. "General Landry, why don't we take this to the conference room; where we can talk in private?" she had framed it as a question, but it was quite clear from her tone that it was an order.

Landry gritted his teeth and nodded. "Of course, Doctor." Gesturing at an airman to show the group to the conference room adjacent to the control room, he slipped into his office to make a call to Washington and Major General Jack O'Neill. He was going to need someone with more clout than himself to deal with Dr. Weir. She was the darling of the IOA and over the last year her political influence had grown in leaps and bounds; so that now she had in fact far more power and authority than he, who was the commander of the SGC, did.

Entering the conference room, Landry noted how the Atlanteans had seated themselves. Dr. Weir was seated at the head of the table, looking not unlike some kind of royalty. On her right hand, sprawled in his chair, was the newly promoted Colonel John Sheppard. Landry had fought tooth and nail to prevent the promotion, but he had lost that fight just like he had the one almost two years ago when Weir had demanded that he, a Major then, be promoted to Lt. Colonel. On her left was Dr. Zelenka, looking frazzled and exhausted. Miles was seated one chair on from Zelenka with Dex hovering menacingly over him.

The placement of the group was not lost on the General.

The soft clearing of a throat behind him signalled that Samantha Carter and Daniel Jackson had arrived. He straightened his shoulders and walked into the room, taking the chair directly opposite Elisabeth Weir. He in turn was flanked by Carter on his right and Jackson on his left.

Clearing his throat, he pulled his authority around him like a cloak, again wishing that O'Neill was here to deal with this mess. The crew of Atlantis always made him feel off-balance. "Dr. Weir, can you please explain to me what is going on?" he demanded.

Elisabeth leaned back in her chair and delicately raised a perfectly shaped eyebrow. "We are here to return Dr. Miles and to find out how far you have gotten in your search for Dr. McKay." Her voice was soft velvet covering solid steel.

Landry pondered the woman before him; she had changed in the last year, all the people on Atlantis had changed. In the face of terrible losses, they had grown hard and slightly cold. Newcomers to the city didn't last long and the few that did quickly grew the same attitude as the rest of the permanent staff.

"Returning?" Daniel asked, baffled.

"Yes, returning. He is not working out on Atlantis." Weir answered serenely, as if returning the scientist was like returning a rental DVD.

Sheppard snorted. "That is putting it mildly." He drawled, anger and sarcasm vying for the dominant place in his voice.

Just then Miles pushed up from his chair and opened his mouth to say something, but before he could get so much as a single sound out, Ronon grabbed his shoulder, his fingers biting cruelly into the muscles and pushed him back down into his chair. "Quiet." He growled threateningly.

Miles grimaced at the pain and swallowed, nodding at the same time.

Carter felt her eyes grow wide and shared a glance with Daniel. She knew that things had been rough for the Atlantis crew, but this, this was... She mentally shook her head. Things must be far worse out there if it was starting to alter their personalities like this.

"Why do you say that Dr. Miles is not working out, Dr. Weir?" Hank Landry asked, trying to gain control of the conversation.

"There have been several instances where Dr. Miles had blatantly disregarded advice from the science staff. These instances had led to situations where people had been injured and in this last incident people had actually been killed." Elisabeth's voice had slowly turned cold as she answered Landry's question.

"He also isn't as smart as McKay." Ronon grunted, pushing the scientist back down in his chair as he tried to stand again.

Radek, who had been silent the entire time, nodded and sighed tiredly. "Is true. And while Rodney is giant asshole who shouts and screams and insult everyone, from military to science team, he cared about safety. He, of course, would never admit to it, but he did."

"You said that his actions caused people to be injured and killed?" Daniel asked; having paid more attention to what Dr. Weir was saying than the others who had been distracted by Miles attempted outburst.

Sheppard tipped his head back and closed his eyes; all of a sudden looking as exhausted and run-down as Radek. "Yes, two days ago a fault developed in the environmental control system of tower two on the west pier." He stopped and sat up straighter, only to tiredly slump down again. "We had two teams in the tower. Team one consisted out of ten people. It was part medical and part science; it was headed by Dr. Biro. They where repairing and preparing the secondary med lab on floor six. Team two was six marines assigned to guard duty and to help with the heavy lifting."

He stopped again and reached over to pour a glass of water from the carafe standing in the middle of the table. Taking a drink, he cleared his throat and continued. "The team had discovered some interesting rooms adjoining the med lab that they thought where used for psychological treatment. Dr. Heightmeier, accompanied by Teyla, went to investigate the rooms." The dark-haired man stopped again and ran a hand over his face, almost as if trying to wipe away the pained expression visible there.

"At roughly 14:00 Atlantean Standard Time, Dr. Miko Kusanagi noticed an energy spike in the power flow of the tower's environmental controls. She immediately informed Dr. Simpson, who was leading the repairs along with Dr. Biro. She also informed Dr. Miles, Dr. Zelenka and me. Simpson decided to evacuate the tower but Dr. Miles overruled her; saying that it was a minor problem and not necessary to pull everyone away from their work for an – how did he put it? Oh yes: 'A trivial hitch that a trained monkey could fix and one that was not worth his time and effort.'" The last part had come out as a low growl and Sheppard stopped to glare at Miles.

Everyone turned to stare at Miles who had gone an interesting shade of red.

Clearing his throat to gain the attention of the room again, John continued. "Miles attempted to do an over-write on the power regulation for the tower. Dr. Simpson informed him that to do so would not work as that would trigger containment protocols in the system. Dr. Kusanagi believed that he had to divert the power completely to prevent triggering a security lockdown. It was at that time that I ordered the evacuation of the tower. But by then the spikes had started to increase in strength and occurrence." The colonel's voice had taken on a bland, emotionless tone. "I had ordered Miles to wait until after the tower was empty before he started to redirect the power. He disobeyed me and started the redirect without informing anyone. The tower went into lockdown before we could get anyone out." John stopped again. He closed his eyes and visibly tried to pull himself together. Although his voice had been cold and impassive, the expression in his eyes had become pained; almost tortured.

Elisabeth gently reached over and delicately touched the troubled soldier's wrist. The small touch was enough to pull him back from the dark place in his mind.

Sheppard looked up and gave her a slight, sad little half smile before turning back to the others to continue with his report. "The power spikes caused the temperature to fluctuate wildly between freezing and boiling. I ordered Miles to completely cut the power but he again ignored me and continued to try and overwrite the power controls. Teyla, Heightmeyer and Lieutenant Marksby were trapped in one of the shielded rooms leading from the med lab. Sergeant Moore and Simpson were locked down on the fifth floor in the tower's auxiliary control room. Dr. Biro and Dr. Themba, along with the four remaining marines, were trapped in the main room of the lab. The rest of the medical and science personal were trapped in the corridor leading to the transporter." He swallowed thickly and picked up the glass to take another drink of water.

Putting the glass down, he slumped further down in his chair. "Twenty minutes into the lockdown we lost contact with Dr. Biro's group. Shortly after that Teyla had informed me that the airflow into the room they were trapped in seemed to have been stopped. Dr. Simpson confirmed that oxygen to the sixth floor had been cut off. She had been trying to disengage the lockdown but Miles kept undoing her work. Fifteen minutes after we lost contact with Biro we lost contact with Teyla." He paused and ran a shaking hand over his face.

"I again ordered Dr. Miles to completely cut the power; when he refused I had him arrested and had Dr. Zelenka cut the power. After the power was turned off Simpson was able to lift the lockdown from the auxiliary control room. We reached Simpson and Moore first. The temperature in the room was just below freezing and both were suffering from hypothermia. The group trapped in the hallway leading from the med lab suffered the least amount of injuries. They only suffered from a light case of heatstroke." He suddenly sat up straight and glared at Miles with cold fury in his eyes. "By the time we had managed to reach the med-lab it was too late. The temperature in the med-lab had spiked to almost 600 degrees Fahrenheit. It had gotten so hot that some of the crystals in the consoles had actually cracked and melted due to the heat."

He shook his head and continued on in a softer voice. "Teyla, Heightmeyer and Marksby were unconscious due to a lack of oxygen. Luckily they didn't suffer any permanent injury."

Turning to look at the three people sitting on the opposite end of the table, he sighed. "Miles refused to stand down when ordered; even when he saw that he was making the problem worse he refused to listen to others. He actually ordered Radek to stop working on the fault and threatened to fire him if he didn't back off. We lost two great doctors and four dedicated marines because of one man's ego."

Carter was horrified by what she was hearing and more than a little impressed with the calmness that Sheppard was showing: if it had been a member of SG1 in Teyla's position she rather doubt that she would have been able to be as calm about the events as he was.

Landry was shocked to say the least. He stared at Sheppard before turning to look at Miles: the man didn't even have the decency to look sorry. No, he was looking affronted. The general cleared his throat, but before he could say anything Zelenka shoved a folder across the table. The heavy folder almost slid off the table: only Carter's quick reflexes saving it a fall to the floor.

"The report on disaster, complete with all technical data and statements from all parties involved. Also reports on the other cases were he caused problems because of arrogance and ignorance." Radek snapped.

Hank Landry looked at the folder and then look really looked at the group sitting across from him. It was clear that they were exhausted: the toll of the last few days clearly had taken a lot out of them. For a moment he felt ashamed about his earlier thoughts. They were on the forefront of an almost impossible war and had lost far too many friends and co-workers. Nodding almost to himself he stood and walked to the door. Like magic Walter was at his side. Giving his orders quickly, he knew that the Sergeant would have everything done by the time he was finished talking to the group.

Beckoning two of the soldiers standing guard outside the conference room, he turned and walked back to the table. Nodding towards Miles, he waited until the two soldiers were standing behind the scientist. "Dr. Miles, you are hereby under arrest for murder and attempted murder. You will remain in custody here at the SGC pending your trail." He jerked his head at the door and watched as the two soldiers dragged the struggling man from the room.

Turning back to Elisabeth's group, he cleared his throat. "Dr. Weir, quarters are being prepared for you and your people. It is late and I am certain that you all could do with a good night's rest after the trying couple of days you've had." He held up a hand as Weir tried to say something. "As for the matter of Dr. McKay, General O'Neill is flying in from Washington and would like to speak to you concerning that matter. It has been almost a year since he disappeared and one more night is not going to make a difference in finding him. But you are dead on your feet and I would really hate to have to explain to the IOA how I managed to break their favourite diplomat."

Elisabeth smiled tiredly and stood up; John and Radek scrambling to their feet as well. "Thank you General. Yes, a good night's rest will not be unappreciated." She turned to share a glance with Sheppard before looking at Landry again. "We can continue our discussion tomorrow after General O'Neill has arrived."

Landry nodded again and waved Walter into the room. "Sergeant Harringman will show you to your rooms."

Elisabeth thanked him softly and left the room with the sergeant; the rest of her people following behind her.

##########

"Shit! I don't know how the hell had Sheppard managed not to kill that bastard!" Samantha Carter cursed as she sunk into her chair. She and Daniel had retreated to her lab after Landry had dismissed them. She was kind of glad not to be in the general's shoes at the moment. He was the one after all that had advocated Miles for the post of Chief Science Officer of Atlantis when Radek had refused to take the job permanently. And now he had to explain to O'Neill, the president and the IOA, how Miles had screwed up and caused the death of six people.

"I know if it had been one of you..." Daniel trailed off; the very thought enough to chill him to the bone. He sat down in the chair facing the blond woman. "And tomorrow we have to tell them that we still have found no trace of Rodney." He shook his head. The group from Atlantis was not going to take that well at all.

Standing back up again, Daniel briefly rested a hand on Sam's shoulder. "Get some rest. I have a feeling that tomorrow is going to hectic."

Smiling up at her friend, Carter nodded. "Only if you get some sleep as well."


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Riddle Song

Written By: Unknown 

I gave my love a cherry  
That has no stones.  
I gave my love a chicken  
That has no bones.  
I gave my love a blanket  
That has no thread.  
I gave my love a book  
That can't be read.

How can there be a cherry  
That has no stones?  
How can there be a chicken  
That has no bones?  
How can there be a blanket  
That has no thread?  
How can there be a book  
That can't be read?

When cherries are in blossom,  
They have no stones.  
The chicken in the eggshell  
Can have no bones.  
The fleece that makes a blanket  
Can have no thread.  
A book that's in the press,  
Cannot be read.

John stood at the window in the conference room, looking out over the room below and at the Stargate standing there. He mused at the difference between this gate and the one back home. The one back home didn't have chevrons that locked; they just lit up. He wondered if that made their gate better or maybe not better but... yeah, okay, better. He sighed; McKay would know and would be able to tell him if he was here and that was the problem wasn't it? He wasn't here. He hasn't been where he belonged for a year now and Atlantis had suffered because of it.

"A penny for your thoughts?" Elizabeth Weir asked softly, coming up behind him.

"I don't think my thoughts are worth that much." He replied as he turned slightly to look at the dark-haired woman standing next to him. She was looking into the cup of tea that she was holding, faint frown lines crinkling around her eyes.

"Your thoughts are worth much more than a penny, especially to me." She replied.

Turning back to look down at the gate again John was silent for a moment. Elizabeth was just about to turn away when he spoke again. "He sent me an e-mail." She didn't have to ask who _he_ was.

"When?"

"A week after he got fired."

Elizabeth waited; she knew that to say anything at this point would have him clam up and change the subject.

"He apologised again and said that he was sorry that he had lost my trust. He asked me to say good bye to Teyla and Ronon for him..." he trailed off. His eyes unfocused as his thoughts turned inwards for a moment. "He also said that he was sorry that he didn't get a chance to earn my trust back. That he regretted not getting the weapon to work." He trailed of staring down at the Gate.

"John?" Reaching hesitantly out to the man standing next to her, Elizabeth pulled her hand back before she actually touched him. She didn't know how to ease this burden that he seemed to carry. The relationship between them had been more than a little rocky in the beginning, with each of them blaming the other and both of them blaming themselves. But in between the losses and the struggle for survival they had come together and were beginning to forge something beautiful and lasting. They still had rough spots and fights but they were getting there.

"He didn't get it." The messy-haired colonel said, still not looking at her.

"What didn't he get?"

A deep sigh: one filled with regret and more than just a bit of self loathing. "He thought that I was angry with him because he couldn't get the weapon to work. That he had asked me to trust him to fix it and then he failed to deliver."

Elizabeth looked at John with surprise. He had never really talked about what had happened between him and Rodney. "That was not the reason you were angry with him? He asked you to trust him and then be betrayed that trust."

Sheppard snorted. "He never betrayed my professional trust in him. He genuinely thought he could get it to work. I knew McKay; he was so certain that it would work. That his math proved that it could work, but we all seemed to forget that he is only human and that he had been playing against the house for so long that he was bound to lose sooner or later."

He turned to look at her then. "No I was angry with him because he put his life on the line. He recklessly risked himself to try and fix that miserable weapon. I had to drag him out of there, if I hadn't he would have stayed and died." He turned bank to the window again, his voice soft with a small hint of fatigue. "After we got back I started thinking about it and I realised a few things. He was my friend, my younger extremely annoying brother type friend. The one I could trust to tell me when I screwed up and he did that on a rather regular basis. He was always accusing me of being suicidal, but he was the one that risked his life time and time again without any apparent regard for his own wellbeing. He acted like this huge coward but when push came to shove he was the one risking his neck. That was what made me angry. I lost my trust in his ability to protect himself, because if there was a suicidal plan you could bet on it that he would try and twist it so that he was right in the middle of it."

Looking down into her cup of now-cold tea, Elizabeth pondered what he had said and realised that he was right and she had never even noticed it. "Are you still angry with him about it?" She suddenly needed to know desperately, she missed her friend.

Turning away from the window to Elizabeth, Sheppard smiled, a real smile, for the first time in two days. Reaching out he gently touched her cheek. "No, not anymore."

##########

Some days Major General Jack O'Neill really whished that he had never taken that promotion from Colonel to General; being 'The Man' sucked. "So you're telling me that we lost one of the foremost experts on Ancient technology and nobody noticed?" looking around the conference room he took note of all the expressions.

The group from Atlantis was seated on one side of the table, glaring at the group from the SGC and the IOA across the wooden expanse. Hank Landry and the representative of the IOA should be thankful that looks couldn't kill. Landry, on the other hand, looked belligerent. Yeah, being 'The Man' totally sucked.

"We didn't exactly loose Dr. McKay." The tall French woman from the IOA started.

"You just don't know where he is." Colonel Sheppard ground out between clenched teeth. "Listen Lady, you don't know where he is or how to find him: that is the definition of lost." The dark-haired man glared daggers across the table.

The woman sat up straighter and adjusted her top. "It was not our responsibility to keep track of Dr. McKay. He was fired."

"Yeah, and whose dumb ass idea was that, by the way?" O'Neill suddenly piped up. He had always wondered who the moron was that was stupid enough to cut a man like McKay loose from the program.

The woman and Landry exchanged a long, slightly guilty look before turning back to O'Neill.

Pushing to his feet and placing his hands on the table, O'Neill glared at the two. "Damn it, Hank, what the hell where you thinking? Do you have any idea what kind of fallout having McKay fired had? No, of course you don't." Holding up a hand when the other man opened his mouth to say something, Jack shook his head. "No, I really don't want to hear anything from you, unless it is to tell me how to find McKay?" He stared at Hank for a long moment before he shook his head, "Yeah, didn't think so."

Sitting down, he looked around the table again. "Okay, so McKay has been missing for six months and..."

"Actually," Carter piped up and blushed uncomfortably when Jack frowned at her.

"Sam?" He drawled out her name, placing a whole lot of questions in that one word.

Ducking her head, Carter sighed and looked guiltily at the group sitting across the table from her. "We only became aware of Dr. McKay's disappearance six months ago."

"Are you telling me that McKay has been missing for longer than six months?" O'Neil demanded in disbelief. He ignored the soft cursing coming from the Atlantis group in favour of glaring at Landry and the IOA woman again.

Carter shared a glance with Daniel before looking at General Landry and the IOA rep. Having dealt with both Carter and Jackson for almost ten years, Jack immediately picked up on the unspoken request the two had.

Clearing his throat, he looked at Landry, "Well okay then. Hank, I am certain that you have commander-type things to do; running this place isn't easy and we have taken up more than enough of your time. And Miss Le Mand here has a long flight back to Paris so," Standing up he waited for all the military personnel to scramble to their feet, "you are excused. Carter, why don't we move this to your office?" he asked in a tone that clearly told everyone that this was not a request.

"Of course Sir." Sam answered, not trying very hard to hide her smile.

Settling down in one of the many hastily brought in chairs in Carter's office, Jack rested his feet on top of the table with his hands folded behind his head as he waited for the others to settle. It was interesting to see the way the Atlanteans arranged themselves: Elizabeth and Zelenka in the most protected corner of the room with Sheppard and Ronon flanking them. It pained him slightly to notice the subconscious level of distrust that the two warriors had, although giving what he had learned in the last few hours, it was probably warranted.

"Okay Sam, spill it." He said, turning to look at the blond woman who was closing the door to the room.

Walking to the desk, she pulled out a thin folder and placed it on the desk. Opening it she shovelled the papers in it: all in a delaying tactic.

"Sam." Jack ordered.

Carter sighed and collapsed into her chair. She looked irritated and more than a little frustrated. She glanced at Elizabeth before turning back to the papers in front of her. She wasn't sure how to tell the people in the room what she had found, because it didn't make any sense. "McKay didn't just disappear. He... he ceased to exist."

"What do you mean he ceased to exist?" Sheppard asked from where he was sprawled in his chair next to Weir.

"Just what I mean," Carter sighed. "Dr. Rodney McKay does not and has never existed."

"That doesn't make any sense." Ronon grunted and pulled a small knife from his hair: which he started twirling between his fingers.

Sam eyed the knife and shook her head. Taking a breath to help her focus her attention, she turned back to look at Sheppard. "There is no physical proof that he existed. There is no birth record, no school or college records, no medical records – hell, he doesn't even have parking tickets. According to the world Rodney never existed."

Elizabeth frowned and shook her head. "How is that possible? I mean: he worked for the SGC for seven years, for almost two of those he was on Atlantis. There has to be some kind of evidence to show for it."

Next to her Radek nodded his head. "Yes, yes and SGC conducted full background checks on everyone working for them. How could they not notice something like this?"

"I don't know, but all traces of him is gone and by _all_ I mean everything." Carter said disturbed, as she slump further down in her chair. "There is not a single trace of him: no security footage, no papers he had written, no pictures, nothing. Oh, everyone that worked with him remembers him, but we have no proof that he was ever here!" the last part was shouted in aggravation.

A depressing silence filled the room in the wake of Carter's outburst. John looked thoughtful for a moment, before he started rummaging through his pockets. Pulling out his wallet he scratched in it before pulling out a small photo, placing it on the table where everyone could see it. It was a picture of most of the original Atlantean expedition, taken during one of the Athosion festivals. In the centre of the picture was a laughing McKay holding up a very drunk-looking Simpson.

O'Neill looked at John before looking back at the photo, "Okay, I'm officially lost. What does a picture of McKay at a party have to do with no trace of McKay?" he asked, baffled.

Smiling, John pointed at the picture, "That was taken on the main land on Lantea in the Pegasus galaxy and I bet that you will find evidence of his existence on Atlantis. So the question is..."

"The question is: who has the expertise to do something like this? And I bet that when we find out who did this, then we will find McKay." Carter interrupted excitedly.

Daniel looked thoughtful as he listened to the conversation taking place. "That shouldn't be too hard, right? I mean: this was a big job; not something a single person could pull off, right?" he asked.

Carter nodded, "Yes so it would be a large organisation with the resources to pull something like this."

"Right, so who do we know that fits the profile?" Sheppard demanded.

Tilting her head, Sam frowned slightly as she concentrated. "Well there is a number of industrial companies and crime syndicates: of course the most likely candidate would be the Trust."

"No I don't think it is the Trust," Daniel said with a shake of his head, "it is not their MO."

Jack nodded his agreement, "Yeah, I have to agree with Danny Boy over there on this one. If it was the Trust they would have just grabbed McKay; they wouldn't have bothered with trying to wipe out his entire existence."

"Well the CIA would also be able to do it easily." Sam quipped.

"But it wouldn't be the CIA since I am pretty sure they would have told us when we started looking for McKay. I mean: we did use them to try and find McKay and the Director would have told me if they had anything to do with his disappearance." O'Neill pointed out.

Sam tilted her head, clearly thinking, "Well there is NID, but, again, they would have told us. MI6 could also do it easily."

"Ah, I don't think James Bond had anything to do with McKay's Copperfield impression," Jack drawled.

"Well if it isn't..." John stopped as the door was forcefully pushed opened and an over-excited Dr. Lee stumbled into the room holding a folder tightly to his chest.

"Colonel Carter, you have got to see this!" The scientist exclaimed, waving the folder in her direction.

"Doctor, now really isn't a good time; I will look at what." Sam started to say before she was interrupted again.

"No, no, this can't wait." And with that he pushed the now-open folder into her face.

"Lee..." She began, only to trail off as she started to read the papers the man had shoved at her. "Where did you get this?" she asked in a strangled voice.

"Dr. Pennmore send it to me." The man smugly announced, "he was asked to peer review it."

"Did he say who wrote this?" Carter demanded, her eyes still firmly on the papers in front of her.

"Sam?" O'Neill asked, more than a little miffed at having his meeting interrupted.

"Sir, this... it is..." she stopped, took a deep breath and looked up at the man sitting in a tilted chair; his feet on her desk. Holding up the paper, she shook as she tried to answer him. "This is the main part of the math needed to recharge a ZPM."

O'Neill promptly fell off his chair. Sitting on the ground, stunned expression on his face, he looked up at her, "You're kidding me, right? I thought that you guys were still years from getting the maths right?"

"We were, but this," Sam held the papers to her chest like it was a small fragile child. "If this checks out completely then we just got years closer to recharging – and more importantly – building our own ZPM's" she breathed.

Zelenka was across the room in seconds, gently tugging on the folder, trying to read it upside-down.

John and Elizabeth exchanged a long look before turning to look at the beaming Dr. Lee. "So, doctor, who did you say wrote this?" Sheppard enquired.

"Oh, it is a joint paper by Dr. Jeannie Miller and Dr. Meredith Duncan-McKay." he answered, absently trying get in between Zelenka and Carter to read from the file, too.

John looked at Jack and lifted an eyebrow. "I don't know about you Sir, but I think that maybe we should have a chat with Dr. Duncan-McKay." He said, placing a strong emphasis on _McKay_.

"You know Colonel, I think you're right." Jack said solemnly.

"Don't bother," Lee snorted still, trying to manoeuvre into a better reading position.

"Oh?" Carter asked, looking up from the papers.

"Trying to get in contact with Duncan-McKay is like something out of a spy movie. She works for all of these big companies, but nobody really knows who she is or even what she looks like. She uses all these intermediates and lawyers." He said with an absent minded shrug.

The Atlantis group shared a long look before Elizabeth spoke up, "Well then, I guess we need to dust of our spy skills if we are going to speak with this Dr. Duncan-McKay."


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

A Fairy Lullaby **  
**(I Left My Darling Lying Here)

**I left my darling lying here,****  
****a lying here, a lying here,****  
****I left my darling lying here,****  
****To go and gather blaeberries.******

**I've found the wee brown otter's track, ****  
****the otter's track, the otter's track****  
****I've found the wee brown otter's track****  
****But ne'er a trace o' my baby, O!******

**I found the track of the swan on the lake****  
****the swan on the lack, the swan on the lack****  
****I found the track of the swan on the lake, ****  
****But not the track of baby, O!******

**I found the track of the yellow fawn, the yellow fawn****  
****I found the track of the yellow fawn,****  
****But could not trace my baby, O!******

**I found the trail of the mountain mist,****  
****the mountain mist, the mountain mist****  
****I found the trail of the mountain mist,****  
****But ne'er a trace of baby, O!******

**O! Hovan, Hovan Gorry og O,****  
****Gorry og, O, Gorry og****  
****O, Hovan, Hovan Gorry og O****  
****I've lost my darling baby, O!**

Woolsey sifted nervously, adjusting his tie and swallowed, again. He glanced at the well dressed young woman who was standing to his side and glaring daggers at him over her glasses. He guessed that she was somewhere in her mid twenties. Her outfit was something straight out of a high end fashion magazine. She was wearing black, knee high designer boots, a stylish knee length flare cut skirt with a matching jacket in dark emerald green and a black silk blouse. Her dark brown hair was swept up into a complicated French-knot and pinned with jewelled pins. Every time she moved her jacket would pull open slightly to reveal a shoulder holster and two guns.

She glared at him for another moment before she turned away to face the doors of the elevator, she spoke rapidly in French for a handful of minutes before switching off her phone and pulling the hands free Bluetooth earpiece from her ear. Putting the earpiece back into her handbag she turned to glare at Woolsey again.

Woolsey shifted again before turning to look at the woman standing serenely next to him. "Why does she keep glaring at me like this?" he demanded from the calm looking strawberry blond woman.

The woman shrugged casually and carefully inspected one of her perfectly manicured nails. "This meeting ruined my schedule, and Christine takes that kind of personally." She replied in an artfully bored tone.

"Oh" Was Woolsey's only response to that.

##########

"Did Woolsey say why he wanted to have this meeting?" Sheppard asked as he settled into his chair next to Ronon.

"He mentioned something about our search for McKay and Dr. Meredith Duncan-McKay drawing the attention of CSIS." O'Neill drawled leaning back in his chair.

John raised an eyebrow in question, "CSIS?"

"They are the Canadian version of our CIA." Elizabeth said as she joined the group already at the table.

"Why would they be interested in McKay?" Ronon asked.

"I'm not sure," Dr. Weir answered, "but it just occurred to me, that they too would have the resources and expertise to erase all evidence about Rodney."

"Yes but why would they do that? They are after all also part of the IOA." Sheppard puzzled.

"But they weren't when McKay started working for the SGC." Carter added as she sat down in between Daniel and Radek Zelenka.

Colonel Sheppard turned slightly and stared. "Wait, you think McKay was a spy for Canada?"

O'Neill cocked his head and stared down the table at the two of them, "Ya know Sam when he puts it like that." He drawled sceptically.

"Yes fine I know it sounds absurd but think about it." Samantha said, "Days after Rodney is fired; he disappears. Three weeks after his disappearance we can't find a single trace of him or even prove that he existed. A year later, two, basically unknown, women publish a paper on the, continues containment of sub-space in a physical form, using formulas that McKay had been working on when he was fired. One of these women also just happens to incidentally have the same surname as our missing scientist."

The group around the table grew silent; each pondering the points that Carter had raised.

"That's not all," She continued, "When I went to give McKay the news that he had been fired, I took along SG3 to search his apartment, to make certain that he wasn't in possession of any physical information about the project."

Radek cleared his throat to draw the blond Colonel's attention. "How is that relevant?" he asked.

"It's relevant due to the fact that even thought they didn't found anything there were traces that the house had been thoroughly cleaned."

"So McKay has a clean house, your point being?" John drawled anger simmering under his lazy act.

"My point," she ground out, starting to get irritated with all the interruptions, "is; when did he, had it cleaned? He didn't know he was coming back to earth and from the moment he walked through the gate till he was informed that he was being fired, he was under close surveillance. So my point is: who cleaned his house and probable removed any evidence?"

Before anyone could respond to that there was a knock on the door and a young marine poked his head in and saluted. "Sir Mr Woolsey and guest are here to see you."

"Thank you Lieutenant, show them in." O'Neill answered as he stood up, the rest of the military in the room also standing.

"Right sir!" he snapped out smartly and opened the door completely.

Woolsey walked in followed by two women. The first one in, was a young woman in her mid twenties dark brown hair and startling grey eyes behind her designer glasses. The soldiers in the room immediately noted the way she moved and the two guns she carried in a shoulder holster. Sheppard felt Ronon tense next to him; he wasn't surprised, as he too had tensed slightly when she had entered the room. She may be dressed and looks like a model straight out of the latest Vogue magazine but she moved like a trained warrior.

The second woman was older, he wasn't sure but if he had to guess, he would say that she was somewhere in her thirties. Her strawberry blond hair had been cut and styled in an elegantly fashionable bob. He saw out of the corner of his eye Carter stiffen and a flash that could be either jealousy or envy cross her face. He didn't blame her; she was after all dressed in a standard air force uniform, while the new comer was dressed in an Armani power suit. She was wearing very expensive looking red stiletto sandals, a black skirt style suit with a red silk blouse.

"Richard," Jack O'Neill offered in greetings.

"General," Woolsey answered. "Allow me to introduce you to Assistant Director of Technology and Information of CSIS Celeste Roux." The blond haired woman inclined her head at everyone at the table. "And her personal assistant, Christine Burgdouw." The young woman in the green offered a bright smile that was just a bit predatory.

"Mrs Roux, this is General O'Neill." He continued pointing at the man standing at the head of the table.

Celeste raised one hand and waved him off. "I am perfectly aware who everyone here is Richard." Turning towards him she raised a perfectly shaped eyebrow.

Woolsey silently counted to ten and nodded before walking to the table and pulling out a chair for her.

She inclined her head and moved to the chair that Woolsey had pulled out for her. Sitting down she folded her skirt in and for a moment it pulled tight against her right leg. John stared and gave Ronon a soft nudge tipping his head in the direction off Celeste. Ronon grunted, indicating that he too had seen the dagger outline.

As everyone took their seat Elizabeth kicked John underneath the table, leaning over to her he softly whispered, "Hi what was that for."

"Stop staring." She hissed, for a second he was unsure, then he had to suppress the urge to grin, she was jealous.

"I'm not staring, I promise." He whispered back taking hold of her hand.

"You better not be." She huffed.

Clearing his throat to draw everyone's attention General O'Neill nodded in Woolsey and the two women's direction. "All righty then folk. Now that everybody is here why don't we get started." Turning to look at Celeste, "You called this meeting Director, so why don't you tell us what is so important that you had to come all the way from Canada to see us."

Celeste carefully laid her left hand on the table keeping her hand turned down the whole time. "I'm here on request of the Prime Minister; you have been making some enquiries about certain people that have drawn our attention. I am here today to tell you to stop looking for Doctors Miller and Duncan-McKay."

"And why should we do that?" Sheppard asked sharply.

"Because my dear Colonel, you have absolutely no business with either of them and your search for them has in fact place them in a certain amount of danger." Celeste answered sharply as she leaned back in her chair. "Dr. Meredith has made it abundantly clear that she wants nothing to do with the American Air Force."

Weir shot John a sharp glare that killed his retort before he could even open his mouth. "Mrs Roux, we understand that they may be hesitant to work for the SGC but we really do need their help, there are lives at stake here. In fact I am certain that you could say the fate of our planet is at stake here." Elizabeth used her most diplomatic tone, trying to ease the tension that had entered the room with the two women.

Samantha leaned forward eagerly. "Yes the math prove that they did, gave us a major jump forward in the creation of our own ZPM's," she stopped to share a look with Jack before she continued, "not only that but we also believe that Dr. Meredith may be the key to finding Dr. Rodney McKay."

Christine froze for a split second before relaxing again.

Leaning back in her chair, Celeste tapped one finger on the table in thought. "We have heard about this Dr. McKay who used to be your CSO of Atlantis, Colonel Carter, but let me assure you that Meredith has got nothing to do with him."

"She maybe has nothing to do with him, but what about you?" Sheppard snarled.

"Me?" Celeste asked with artful innocence.

Raising a hand to stop John, Elizabeth nodded, "Yes you Director Roux. Your husband is after all Canada's representative to the IOA," she asked frostily.

Christine tensed and glared at Weir in a cold calculating way.

"What I know about Dr. McKay is that the man has never existed, but I would love to have a nice long chat with him."

John was startled by the amount of amusement in Celeste voice. He was more than willing to acknowledge the fact that she was starting to bug the hell out of him. "And why is that?" he drawled lazily, while trying to keep his temper in check.

The blond woman merely raised an eyebrow as if she could see clearly through his act, which considering who she was, she most probable could. "I would love to employ him. Anyone that can give the CIA, the NID and the SGC such a run around, would be an asset to CSIS."

Clapping his hands O'Neill called out. "People can we focus here, this is not helping to solve our problem."

Celeste suddenly stood. "Listen I have already wasted a lot of my valuable time. You had a CSO who from all reports was doing an outstanding job. Then he made a mistake and due to some dirty dealings and converted politics got fired. Now you are scrambling around to find a man that you by all appearances where only too happy to get rid of. And since it seems that you can't find him you are trying to force someone that has no interest in the SGC into the position." She held up one hand when it appeared that Jack was going to say something. "DR. Miller is a happily married mother of two very young children and has no desire to leave her family behind here on earth to go to the Pegasus galaxy. As for Dr. Duncan-McKay," She shrugged, "I will not repeat what she said to me when she phoned me last night. Needless to say she won't be going to Atlantis no matter what."

She nodded at Christine who had also risen and moved to stand beside her. "Now," she said as she turned to look at Woolsey, "I have to be back in Ottawa by eight." Turning to look over her shoulder at the people still seated at the table she dropped her voice, "Stay out of my country and away from my people, or you will find how unfriendly Canadians can be."

Rising to his feet John Sheppard placed his hands on the table and leaned forward menacingly. "Is that a threat?"

For the first time since she has entered the room Christine spoke up. "No, Colonel that is an fact." And with jerk of her chin that reminded him of Rodney she swept out the door after her boss.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

**Crying for the World**

**Irish lullaby, Written by: Unknown  
Copyright: Unknown**

Oh, my child, you cry so many tears,  
Seems like you've been crying for the world;  
Oh, my child, your world so full of fears,  
Seems like you've been crying for the world.

I to bare you, I to raise you,  
Father, give me strength to do it right;  
I to adore you, be a refuge for you,  
Father give me strength to do it right.

Hush, my child and lay you down to sleep,  
Seems like you've been crying for the world;  
Hush, my child your tears that burn so deep,  
Seems like you've been crying for the world.

I will protect you, guard you and guide you,  
Father give me strength to do it right;  
I will love you, more than I have to,  
Father give me strength to do it right.

Oh, my child, I only wish I could,  
Suffer all the trials in your place;  
Oh, my child, you know I truly would,  
Take on all the evils you will face.

I will protect you, guard you and guide you,  
Father give me strength to do it right;  
I will love you, more than I have to,  
Father give me strength.

##########

John Sheppard pulled up next to the curb and switched off the big black SUV and pointed at a house across the street. "That's the one." He said as the other five people in the car looked out of the windows.

The house was stately without being too big. Everything about it, from the neighbourhood it was located in to the trimmed porch to the clearly visible hand carved wooded front door to the neatly cut front lawn, screamed money.

"So," Samantha Carter said as she leaned forward to get a better look at the house, "where did you get the address or the information that led you to it."

Sheppard pulled off his sunglasses and rubbed his eyes before putting it on again. "Julliard." He stated.

Everyone waited expectantly for him to continue. "What does Julliard have to do with finding Rodney or Dr Meredith?" Daniel Jackson asked with a frown.

Sighing, John leaned back into his seat and suppressed the urge to grimace: he really didn't like talking about his past and explaining how he had gotten his information would mean bringing up his past; more importantly bringing up his marriage to Nancy. "Christine Burgdouw."

Elizabeth huffed and crossed her arms. "John, can you please stop with the one word answers and tell us what you found out?" she demanded.

He sighed and dropped his head back onto the headrest before sitting up and turning to look at the rest of the people in the car. "Christine looked familiar, but I couldn't figure out why. It was only later after I went home to speak to my brother about some personal matters that I remembered where I had seen her before. Quite a few years ago I attended a recital at Julliard's that they held to showcase some of their graduate students. One of the highlights of the evening was a cello solo performed by none other than Christine Burgdouw."

"So how did that lead you to this address?" Radek asked from where he was squashed between Ronon and Daniel.

"Well three things: the first, Julliard is expensive – as in very, very expensive. The second: I thought that I remember something about that night and when I checked it out, I was correct. The cello that Christine played was her own personal instrument, but it was custom made by one of the best and also most expensive companies in the world. Thirdly: our background check stated that Christine was an orphan and a ward of the state." He stopped to see if the rest of the group was still with him.

When it appeared that they were following he continued. "So I wondered who paid for all of that, because I don't believe for one second that it was the Canadian government. I called in a few favours and discovered that she was sponsored by Celeste Roux, and – wait for it – Dr. Meredith Duncan-McKay." He grinned smugly and waved a hand roughly in the direction of the house. "Dr. Duncan-McKay is also still on Julliard's mailing list. A few nice compliments, a couple of sizeable donation to the school on behalf of the SGC, and presto! The address of the good doctor."

Carter stared at the messy-haired Colonel sitting in the driver's seat of the SUV. "I don't believe this!" she exclaimed. "How did we miss that?"

Elizabeth shrugged and answered before John could say anything. "Because we were looking for Meredith in Canada and not looking for the history of a PA working for CSIS. Besides, John can correct me if I am wrong, but I would bet anything that McKay isn't on the available list of sponsors."

John nodded and smiled at the woman seated next to him. "Elizabeth is right, she is listed as a silent sponsor, and the details of silent sponsor are tightly guarded."

"If the details are so tightly guarded, how did you get it then?" Daniel asked querulously.

"Ah," John said just a bit apprehensively, "let's just say that it was two very big donations and leave it at that."

Samantha chuckled, "I take it Landry is not going to be very happy when he finds out, is he?"

Smirking Sheppard nodded, "Let's just say that I hope to be back in Pegasus before he finds out."

Everyone laughed and prepared to get out of the car.

Taking Elizabeth's hand as they crossed the street, John leaned in and softly asked, "Do you know what you are going to say?"

She shook her head and sighed. "Not a clue." She answered ruefully.

The group ascended the stairs of the porch and came to a halt in front of the ornately handcrafted wooden door. Muffled sound could be heard from inside the house. The one most clearly recognisable was that of a baby crying.

John looked at the group and when everyone nodded he rang the doorbell.

After five minutes of no answer and only the muffled sounds of a baby crying he rang the doorbell again. They waited.

After another handful of minutes John rang the bell again and this time he knocked as well. When after a while there still was no answer John sighed and rang the bell again, only this time the held it in; letting it wail through the house in one unbroken, irritating sound.

He took his finger off the bell when he heard someone unlocking the door.

"What the hell is wrong with you!" the aggravated and incredibly familiar male voice shouted out before the door was even partially open. The door was yanked open just enough so that the person standing in the door was visible.

John felt his jaw go slack and his stomach drop with surprise. There, standing in the door with a towel over one shoulder and holding what appeared to be a nine month old baby girl and a bottle of milk in one arm, was none other than an extremely angry Rodney McKay.

"Rodney?" Elizabeth asked softly, the surprise in her voice clear for all to hear.

The colour and anger drained from the scientist's face before he took a step back and slammed the door shut in their faces. John could hear the door being locked with force.

"Okay, that was unexpected." Sam said dryly to no-one in particular.

John was back at the door in seconds; thumping at it with his closed fist. "Open up McKay!" he shouted.

Barely a minute had passed since Rodney had slammed the door in their faces when the garage door on the side of the house opened and McKay drove out and down the street in a blue Volvo. He was around the corner and out of sight before any of the group had made it to the street.

"Well, it would seem that we had found McKay." Radek stated tonelessly.

John swore and kicked at a small pebble lying in the road. He hated to acknowledge it, but Rodney's reaction had hurt. They were supposed to be friends and now seeing him like this was an unexpected blow. He stared down the street in the direction that Rodney had driven and wondered what they were going to do now.

Ronon grunted as he tried the front door handle. Looking around to see that most of the group was still standing in the street, staring in the direction that McKay had driven away in, he pulled a small thin stiletto-styled knife from his hair and jimmied the lock. With a loud popping sound the door swung open. He grinned and turned toward the street. "Sheppard!" he called. When the other man turned to face him he grinned and pushed the door fully open.

##########

"I can't believe you did that!" Daniel said for what was probably the hundredth time.

"Why?" Ronon asked him. He had made himself comfortable on the sofa standing in front of the fireplace.

John looked around the sitting room; it was so different from what he remembered McKay's quarters had been like on Atlantis. "Because it is breaking and entering." He said as he moved over to the wall that was full of photographs. Rodney's quarters on Atlantis had been spartan: totally devoid of anything personal.

But here everywhere were small touches that personalized the house and gave it a warm, lived-in feel. On the walls where photographs and framed drawings. Handwritten notes lay scattered on the table and a book was open on one of the chairs. Toys littered the house and John had seen a cat slink out of the widow in the front entryway.

"John, look at this." Elizabeth said as she picked up one of the framed photographs that stood on the mantle of the fireplace that dominated the centre of the one wall.

Taking the picture from the woman he raised his eyebrows in surprise. The photograph was old; at least 10 – maybe 11 years old. The photo was taken outside. In it was Rodney holding a black haired woman and standing with them was Celeste and a young girl that he realised was Christine. The most striking feature of the photo was not the weapons that they were all clearly carrying, but the fact that they looked so happy. It striked him then that in all the time he had known Rodney, he had never seen him as happy or relaxed as he was in this picture.

"It would seem that you were right, Colonel," he said to Carter as he carefully put the picture back from where Elizabeth had gotten it.

"Oh?" Sam asked as she left the table where she had been going through what had appeared to be some kind of math proof.

He pointed at the picture. "It would appear that McKay was indeed a spy for the Canadian government."

Carter studied the picture and nodded. "So what do we do now?" She asked as she turned to look at the others in the room.

"We do the only thing we can at this moment; we wait for Rodney to return." Elizabeth said as she made herself comfortable on the sofa.

The others nodded and each found a place to wait for the scientist to return.

"I wonder who the woman in the picture is." Carter suddenly asked.

##########

Celeste looked up from the report that she was reading when her door was opened without as much as a knock. She frowned when she saw Christine in the door holding a tray that contained three cups that – if you were going on smell – contained the really good coffee as well as a plate of chocolate brownies. Celeste frowned; the only time Christine got out the brownies was when Meredith was there and in a really bad mood.

Entering the office the brown haired young woman placed the tray on the corner of the older woman's desk before walking to the door. She had barely managed to reach it when the door was banged open and an incensed Meredith Rodney Duncan-McKay stalked in; holding his daughter in one arm and a baby bag in the other.

Christine divested the man of both baby and baby-bag and closed the door to the office behind her in one smooth move that showed a lot of practise.

Rodney stopped and frowned at the now-closed door before he stalked over to the desk that held the tray. Grabbing one of the cups he drained its contents before replacing it and picking up the second cup. Taking a sip, he picked up a brownie and threw himself into one of the chairs standing in front of Celeste's desk.

Celeste waited until he was halfway through both the second cup of coffee and the brownie before she spoke. "Hello Mer."

Rodney ignored her in favour of finishing his brownie. Merely raising an eyebrow, the woman shook her head and returned to the report she was reading before. After all these years she was well aware of the man's moods and mannerisms.

"They found me." He said after a while.

Looking up, Celeste frowned. "How?" she asked. She had no need to ask who _they_ were. There was only one group of people that would rattle the scientist this much.

"How should I know?" He demanded. Running his hand through his hair he glared at his friend seated across from him. "They just showed up at my house. My house!" he shouted as he got up to pace across the room. Turning to glare at the blond, he fisted his hands a couple of times before he visibly forced himself to relax. "Bloody hell Celeste, you where suppose to make sure that this never happened." He accused.

She shook her head and glared right back at him, "I did Mer. There is no way they should have been able to find you." She stated.

Returning to his chair he picked up his cup and stared at it mournfully when he realised that is was empty.

"Want some more coffee?" Celeste asked wryly.

"Stupid question." He muttered still looking into his empty cup.

Just then there was a knock on the door and Christine poked her head into the room. "Is it safe to come in?"

"Only if you are bearing coffee." Celeste said with a shake of her head.

The young woman laughed and entered the room with the baby in her arms. Holding his arms out, Rodney took possession of his daughter. "Do I want to know why Selene has gun-oil on her hands?" he asked with a sigh as he fished out a handkerchief to wipe the baby's hands.

"Because she helped me clean my guns." Christine said joyfully. She took the tray and the empty cups and skipped out the room.

Rodney shook his head and rocked his daughter until she fell asleep. "You know, some days I fear that Selene will learn how to strip and clean a gun before she learns how to read or write."

Celeste laughed softly and smiled at her friend, "Considering who her father and her adopted aunt is, that would not surprise me in the least."

"Or her godparents." He chuckled. He looked at Celeste before looking down at the sleeping child in his arms. "What am I suppose to do, Celeste?" he asked suddenly.

"I really wish I had an answer for that question." She responded sadly.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

**Hunters Lullaby – Leonard Cohen**

Your father's gone a-hunting  
He's deep in the forest so wild  
And he cannot take his wife with him  
He cannot take his child  
Your father's gone a-hunting  
In the quicksand and the clay  
And a woman cannot follow him  
Although she knows the way

Your father's gone a-hunting  
Through the silver and the glass  
Where only greed can enter  
But spirit, spirit cannot pass

Your father's gone a-hunting  
For the beast we'll never cannot bind  
And he leaves a baby sleeping  
And his blessings all behind

Your father's gone a-hunting  
And he's lost his lucky charm  
And he's lost the guardian heart  
That keeps the hunter from the harm

Your father's gone a-hunting  
He asked me to say goodbye  
And he warned me not to stop him  
I wouldn't, I wouldn't even try 

##########

Ronon got up and moved towards the kitchen, pulling a large dagger from his hair. The others had all fallen asleep in the sitting room while they waited for McKay to return. He stopped next to the door leading from the kitchen to what he assumed was the garage. He could hear the door opening and a car pulling in. He opened the door and walked into the large room. There, sitting behind the wheel of the same blue car that he had seen earlier, was Rodney.

McKay looked up at the sound of the door opening and the two men stared at each other for one long tense moment. Closing his eyes, Rodney visibly pulled his courage together before getting out of the car. Without saying a word he opened the backdoor and carefully unbuckled a baby seat before picking up the sleeping child. Turning to look at the big man, he shook his head and smiled. "Why don't you make yourself useful and get the bag?" he asked as he moved away from the car.

Ronon suddenly grinned and just like that everything was fine between the two of them. "Sure." He rumbled softly so as not to wake the sleeping child.

Sighing with relief Rodney could only pray that it would be this easy with the rest. "Where are the others?" he asked as they moved through the kitchen. Reaching the hallway he stopped.

"Asleep in the sitting-room." Ronon answered.

Hesitating for a second, Rodney nodded to himself before heading for the sitting room. He stopped in the doorway and simply took some time to look at his friends. He took in the tired and strained expression that spoke of tension and sorrow that not even sleep could ease. There were gray hairs at Sheppard's temples and frown line creasing his forehead, that he could not remember being there. Elizabeth had dark shadows under her eyes and Radek look more frazzled than Rodney could remember. He suddenly felt guilty for leaving them, but he had no choice.

"Sheppard wake up!" Ronon growled as he pushed past McKay and headed into the room.

John came awake with a start reaching for his gun. He stopped when he saw Rodney standing in the door. Neither said anything, they just stood there looking at each other while Ronon went around waking the rest of the group.

"Rude... I was um rude... earlier... with the door, and leaving like that and I..." Rodney trailed off when Elizabeth got up and walked over to him.

Stopping in front of McKay she gave him a good look over before pulling him into a tight hug. "We missed you." She said.

Being squashed woke Selene and she started crying softly. "Oh" Elizabeth said as she took a step back.

"Ah, sssh, Selene, sssh, it's okay princess." Rodney murmured as he softly rocked his daughter in his arms, soothing her back to sleep.

"She's beautiful, Rodney." Elizabeth whispered so as not to wake the now sleeping child.

"Thank you," McKay said with a faint blush and a proud smile on his face, "Uhm let me just put her down and then we can talk, okay?" he asked as he started to move towards the door of the sitting room.

Elizabeth nodded and moved back towards where John was still sitting a faint gobsmacked expression on his face. He turned to her once the scientist has left the room, "McKay a dad?" he asked no-one in particular.

"It would appear so." Radek stated as he calmly cleaned his glasses.

They waited for about ten minutes before Rodney reappeared this time without his daughter, but carrying a baby-monitor. He seated himself in one of the unoccupied chairs and looked at the group sitting in his house. "So do I get to hear why you are here and more importantly how you found me?" he calmly asked as he leaned back in his chair.

"This place bugged?" John asked coldly, still more than a little bit angry and upset with McKay about his earlier disappearing act.

Rodney snorted, "Please, Celeste know better than that, but there are some agents in a van across the street." He said pointing a finger at the window.

Sheppard got up walked to the window and closed the curtains, returning to his seat he looked at the man they had been looking for, for the last year. "What the hell McKay?" he demanded, "What happened to you?"

"What do you mean, what happened, Colonel?" Rodney asked. He cocked his head to one side before snapping his fingers in the manner that he had when he just remembered something. "Oh congratulations on the promotion by the way."

John snorted and leaned forward, "Thanks but don't try and change the subject."

"What subject" McKay challenged.

"You dropped off the face of the planet. Disappeared without a trace and without so much as a goodbye. We couldn't find you, hell we couldn't even prove that you existed." Sheppard all but snarled.

Pulling himself up to snarl back at the Colonel, McKay stopped before slowly slumping back into his chair. He ran a hand over his face and sighed. "I got fired," he glanced at Carter before looking back at John and Elizabeth. "And it was made quite clear to me that my involvement in the Stargate program was over."

"And you just accepted it, without a fight, just like that?" John asked incredulously.

"What was I suppose to do?" Rodney snapped, "You all made it very clear that you didn't trust me anymore, that you weren't sure if you could still work with me and I don't recall any of you trying very hard to get me back."

Sheppard stood and took two menacing steps towards Rodney before stopping. "How can you say that?" He nearly shouted. "We did try; we have been trying for months now, but you, you where just gone and we couldn't find you!"

Rodney shifted in his chair tension coiling visible through his body, not at all intimidated by Sheppard. "Yes you looked, after you realised that you needed my scientific input."

Elizabeth made a soft sound and looked like she had been slapped. "Rodney..."

"Oh no, don't you Rodney me Dr. Weir." He growled almost softly. "I know for a fact that you where quite pleased with Miles right up till the point where his moronic idiotsy and complete lack of regard for little things like basic safety protocols placed several expedition members in jeopardy." He waved a hand in the air as if he could visually show how stupid he found Roderick Miles. "Even then he didn't get booted off the city. Oh no, he didn't even get a public dressing down like I did. It took him killing six people before you decided that he needed to go."

The room was quiet, a guilty hush hung over the Atlantis group while the two members of SG-1 tried to make themselves as small and unnoticeable as possible.

Radek suddenly muttered something softly in Czech and ran a tired hand through his hair.

Snorting loudly McKay answered in the same langue, causing the wild haired scientist to stare at him with wide eyes. "You... you... but..." Radek stammered, while Rodney smirked at him.

"Rodney" Elizabeth tried again.

"No." He said before he trailed off and looked down at the baby-monitor he was still holding. "When I came back I was ready to fight to prove to the IOA much they needed me, but..." he stopped and swallowed before continuing. "But then I got fired and I realised how tired I was. How tired I was of pretending. How tired I was of not being able to pick up the phone and calling my family whenever I wanted too. Then I found out Merri was pregnant and I just couldn't," he looked at John who was still standing in the middle of the room, looking angry and more than a little hurt and confused. "I'm married. I have a daughter and the most amazing woman as my wife and I can't turn my back on them."

John took a few steps backward and collapse onto the couch had had been sitting on earlier. "So that's it. You are going to abandon your friends your home, Atlantis just like that? I thought we were friends." he asked tiredly.

McKay sighed, "So did I," he responded softly. He looked around the room. Taking notice of the people that besides his small family he cared the most about. It twisted in his heart that he was abandoning them again. "Listen it is late, why don't we get some sleep and we can talk tomorrow morning about this?" he asked as he stood.

John shared a look with Elizabeth before looking at Carter, she nodded minutely and he turned back to Rodney. "Sure McKay just show us where."

Rodney bounced a little on his heels before he started to the door, "Okay some of you will have to share; I hope that would be all right?"

Ronon grunted in agreement and Radek muttered something in Czech that had McKay grinning. The only ones who looked worried were Carter and Jackson.

##########

The smell of fresh coffee woke John Sheppard and drew him from the large hedonistically soft bed he shared with Elizabeth. She made a soft noise of complaint before snuggling deeper under the covers. He pulled on his trousers and headed for the door, wondering how the hell McKay had known about him and Elizabeth.

The previous evening Rodney had not even batted an eye as he showed the group to their respective rooms. The first room he had shown them too had, had two single beds with a heap of stuffed toys on each bed. He had offered the room to Carter and Jackson. The room directly across the hall had one king sized bed and he had offered it to Ronon and Radek. When both men had hesitated, Rodney had snorted and told them that he knew that both of them had bunked together when off world so it was either share a bed or sleep on the ground, because he sure as hell was not putting Sam and Daniel in one bed. Jack O'Neill would kick his ass if he ever did that.

The last room he had shown them also had a large king sized bed and Rodney had waved John and Elizabeth in and wished them goodnight as if the two of them sharing a room was normal. Well it was normal, but McKay should not have been able to know that. He was still feeling slightly angry and disappointed with Rodney. How could Rodney believe that they hadn't looked for him, that they had not been worried about him? The Atlantis crew had done everything in their power to find a way for Rodney to back, only to discover that he had disappeared.

John headed down the stairs towards the kitchen and the heavenly smell of fresh coffee. He froze in the kitchen's door, staring at the black-haired woman who was busy making breakfast. She was wearing what he presumed was one of Rodney's t-shirts and a pair of faded track pants. Her long black hair was made up in a messy sleep-tousled ponytail. He recognised her as the woman from the pictures he had seen the previous evening. He cleared his throat and stepped further into the kitchen.

"Oh, Colonel hi, I didn't realise anyone was awake yet." She said with a smile over her shoulder. She pulled out a cup and poured some coffee. Handing John the cup she moved to the refrigerator and took out the milk. "Milk, sugar or do you prefer sweetener?" she asked.

"Uhm, sugar please." Sheppard said a little unsure.

The woman stopped and looked at John as she heard the uncertainty in his voice. Putting down the milk she grabbed a towel and wiped her hands. "Oh how rude of me." She smiled, she held out her hand to him. "Merri Conroy."

Taking her hand John shook it politely. "Hi, you're..."

"Meredith's wife." She supplied with a teeny tiny evil smile.

"Meredith?" He asked with a raised eyebrow.

She just grinned and moved back to the stove, flipping the pancakes. Taking another cup and filling it with coffee she moved past John to the hallway. "Meredith, get your behind down here and come help with breakfast!"

It was maybe five minutes before Rodney came stomping down the stairs. He was also dressed in an old t-shirt and sweatpants. He had a loudly crying Selene in one arm and a couple of empty baby bottles in his other hand. "There's no need to shout, Merri, and can you please not call me that while we have guests in the house." He groused, before stopping short on seeing John in the kitchen. "Oh great." He sighed. Pushing past John, he dumped the bottles in the basin and took the cup from Merri: all the while rocking Selene in his arm.

"So Meredith?" Sheppard asked with a smile.

Before Rodney could answer the others entered the kitchen, Merri's shout and the mention of breakfast having dragged them from their rooms.

"Meredith?" Sam also asked as she entered the room.

Rodney turned to his wife, "I hate you." He calmly stated.

Getting more cups from the cupboard, Merri nodded knowingly, "Yes dear, I know. And I hate you also." She said in a tone of voice that stated louder than anything about the deep love the two shared.

Shushing Selene for a minute more till her cries turned into soft sniffles, Rodney held his hand out to Sheppard. "Doctor Meredith Rodney Duncan-McKay, multiple PhD's, wonder worker and dashing spy extraordinaire at your service."

"Dashing?" John asked with an amused twitch to his mouth as he shook Rodney's hand.

"Ha ha, Colonel." Rodney grumbled, shifting Selene in his arms when it looked like she was going to start crying again. "I would like you to meet my wife Doctor Meredith Conroy." He said proudly as he pulled Merri to his side.

"Doctor?" Elizabeth asked.

"M.D. and voodoo practitioner if you listen to Mer." Merri said with a smile.

The others shared a long look.

##########

"So how long have the two of you been together?" Samantha Carter asked the black-haired woman sitting with them at the large wooden kitchen table. Rodney had gone upstairs to put Selene, who he had, after many hours of crying, finally managed to get to sleep, to bed. It was several hours after breakfast.

"Twenty years." Merri answered with a smile. "We met at university," she laughed. "Actually I got blamed for a prank he pulled on one of the professors. I was so furious with him that I went over to his flat and screamed at him. We all know who he was of course. Meredith Duncan-McKay, he already had one doctorate and was busy with his second and third ones. We just clicked and we have been together ever since."

"But...but he went to Atlantis." Radek spoke up.

Merri's face went cold and she clenched her hands on the mug she was holding. "Yes he did."

"But why did he go and why did you not go along?" The Czech asked, clearly puzzled over how Rodney could leave someone he clearly loved as much as he loved his wife behind.

"He didn't have much of a choice in the matter and I was their insurance policy that he would do what they wanted from him." Her voice was cold and bitter and there was a faraway look in her eyes.

John shared a look with Elizabeth, but before he could say anything Merri continued.

"I was always his weakness and they knew that and exploited it time and time again. It took him and Celeste years to gain not only our freedom but Christine and Celeste's family as well." She stopped and glared at Carter before turning those same cold hard look on John and Elizabeth. "He cares about all of you a great deal, you are his friends. He considers you family and he has struggled with so much guilt over leaving you the last year, that he has trouble sleeping. Every time he gets an update about Atlantis I can see in his eyes how badly he wants to go back."

"We..." Elizabeth started only to stop when Merri shook her head.

"Let me finish." She all but snarled. "Don't ask him to go back with you, because it will nearly kill him to say no. And trust me, he will say no. And if you hurt him I will find a way to kill you. Mer is not the only assassin in the family."

The others were silently staring at her in shock, but before anyone could say anything Rodney came bustling into the room. "I finally got her to sleep." He groaned as he collapsed into the chair next to Merri. "I just hope she sleeps now." He yawned.

Merri glared at Elizabeth before steering the conversation into innocuous territory, talking about her work as chief neuro-surgeon and some harmless gossip from Atlantis and the SGC. It was maybe half an hour later when Selene woke up crying again; this time it was Merri who went to tend to her.

"So," Rodney said as his wife left the room. "I know why you are here."

"Listen McKay." John started at the same time; the two looked at each and laughed: the easy friendship they had forged on Atlantis still very much in evidence.

"I can't go back with you John. I have a wife and kid and face it: Atlantis is no place for a baby." Rodney said sadly with a small, wistful smile.

Sheppard sighed before looking at McKay, "No you're right, you have responsibilities here now that you can't renege on. Just promise that this time you won't disappear into thin air again?"

Rodney cocked his head as Selene stopped crying. "She always gets her to sleep so much faster than me." He muttered to himself before answering John. "No I promise: no disappearing act this time round."

The conversation drifted back towards more mundane things when Merri joined them in the kitchen again.

"So Rodney, just how many languages do you speak?" Daniel asked. He had been mostly silent up till now.

McKay thought about is for a moment before answering. "Well, eight." He answered.

"Eight!" Daniel exclaimed loudly.

"Sssh not so..." Rodney trailed off as Selene started crying again. "Oh thank you so very much Doctor Jackson." He snapped sarcastically as he headed out the room to go and fetch his daughter.

Ronon glared at the scientist before pulling out his gun. "Wake the baby again and I will stun you." He rumbled at Daniel.

Merri burst out laughing. "Wow, can I keep you?" she asked.

The others laughed and Daniel grinned sheepishly.

John looked around the room before twining his fingers together with Elizabeth, he was sad as hell that McKay would not be coming back to Atlantis, but he was happy for his friend.


End file.
